I was 09 when I had my first tryst with cigarettes and at 12 with marijuana & Hash joints, and what I felt after that was exhilarating. It altered my mood and left me in a state that I thoroughly enjoyed. It gave me a chance to escape my present and that for me was a big deal. It started with curiosity – knowing that so many people I knew interacted with all drugs, for me, meant that there was something “good” about it. It is only now, given that I have been sober for 21 years, that I can say that there is nothing good about doing drugs.

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The reason why I chose addiction as my escape route was because I felt that my reality was unbearable. I lived in a perpetual state of uncertainty; meaning everything outside of me felt unclear. Fear, guilt, not feeling connected, and feeling judged were all my constant companions. These were the feelings that led me to my addiction. I didn’t see myself as a productive human being at all during those days.

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There was a time when I did not find any connection with my family or friends and I turned to various unhealthy addictions. Through my journey of recovery, what I released was that if the connections one has with their family is strong enough then it becomes that much more viable to stay away from any sort of unhealthy addiction. The recovery process involved a lot of sharing, and in doing that, many unresolved issues from almost a decade and a half ago resurfaced. It forced me to think and freed me from my past. From lying to my parents, to running away from them, being verbally abusive towards them, and being rebellious – I have done it all. And now that I have been sober, I have learnt to be accountable for my own actions and the blame game that I always fell back on has now ceased to exist. I am now proud to say that I have been happy, sober, and productive for over 26 years. By The Grace Of God.